My advice would be to be honest with your parents. You may be surprised at how understanding they are. I started out by keeping it from my mother but felt a whole lot better once it was out in the open. You are doing something that is very responsible by dealing with your debt issues. To me, there's more shame in juggling debts and pretending to yourself that it will all be alright.

Hi FF36,

As upstream has said sometimes honesty is the best policy but that's not always the easiest decision to make. In the majority of cases that I've dealt with over the years when someone has been honest with a spouse or family member they have been surprised at their reaction and the support they have received.

I think debt is a normal every day thing now and not something people should be ashamed of. You would be surprised at how many people are actually in debt but are too scared to admit it. Long gone are the days when people would save up to buy something they needed in cash or they would sit down with a bank manager or advisor to see how much they could borrow without over extending. Nowadays people can get thousands of pounds with a couple of clicks of a mouse and five minutes on the internet.

I'm sure your parents would be understanding especially with the change in your circumstances and separating from your husband however If you decide not to tell your parents then any car worth less than £3,000 is automatically not an asset in a Trust Deed. You can use two websites, parkers or wisebuyers to see what the value of the car is. There is also the argument that the car belongs to your parents as they have bought it and are allowing you the use of it.

I think this is a perception issue as people always fear that the reaction will be worse than it is. As above, I would always say to be up front, that way you are not waiting for something that may or may not happen, although it might always be in the back of your mind.

The Trust Deed itself is seen as a repayment plan and people's perception would probably be different than if you announced your bankrupt as they seem to think this is worse, when in reality it's not.

Mark

Thanks for your thoughts...it's getting registered under their name, so not going to be a problem. Had a look on wisebuyers and parkers and it isn't worth more than £3000 anyway.
As for telling parents i don;t think i'm quite ready yet...my parents are definitely in the category of 'save for something you want'. You are probably right in saying that debt is a normal everyday thing unfortunately, but i know they wouldn;t see it that way, they have never been in debt other than having a mortgage and only have credit cards now to pay for things online...i very much doubt they've even got a balance on it! They have always brought me up to never have debt, but unfortunately due to my marriage situation i didn;t think i had any other choice at the time, my debt accumulated over 13 years of a poor marriage and having to pay for food on credit cards and kids clothes on store cards...as so many other people have said on this forum...i have definitely learnt my lesson, never again!

I can understand FF's hesitation.

I think is complex depending on the generation and age and view of money. Also, what the type of parenting has been - judgemental and critical, or supportive and helpful. And indeed our own view/feelings about what is success and failure.

In my case, I did not tell Mum - she still does not know. I only told my sister in year 2 because of a situation involving my mother's will and Dad's death. My sister acted in a very superior way without being interested in understanding the circumstances that led to it.

Only 3 of my close friends and my daughter know. I had to admit to my company when it was highlighted when we set up a scheme of which I was a trustee. 1 friend was disapproving, and the other 2 were supportive. My company was supportive because it was clear the reason for the Trust Deed. I am also aware that not everyone is knowledgeable about what a Trust Deed means means. I am happy that I did not share with anyone else.

So I think we have to judge for ourselves why the person needs to know and what the impact will be - on the people we are sharing the information with, and on us having shared.

It's obviously a very personal choice that can only be properly weighed up by the person making it.

My professional experience is that it's often a relief for people to share something that's been troubling them for a while, and that the reaction is generally very supportive.

That doesn't mean that it's right for everyone though. There's a lot of wisdom behind the proposed consideration here of the effect that this news might have on some people given their particular individual values.

Update 2 years on...Just been discharged and came on to this forum again, maybe a bit weird, but i was looking through all the posts i made especially at beginning of signing!
Anyway, while going through my divorce, my Mum was really, really supportive and helped a lot, i ended up telling her about trust deed. She was so, so, unbelievably understanding and i wish i had told her sooner.

quote:

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Originally posted by Mark McFadyen
[br]I think this is a perception issue as people always fear that the reaction will be worse than it is. As above, I would always say to be up front, that way you are not waiting for something that may or may not happen, although it might always be in the back of your mind.

The Trust Deed itself is seen as a repayment plan and people's perception would probably be different than if you announced your bankrupt as they seem to think this is worse, when in reality it's not.

Mark

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Mark we need to talk at andrew.norrie@yahoo.com

A v5 log book is not proof of ownership as long as they have a recept in Thair name should not cause any probs

Hi pinalta,

I'm not sure how often Mark is monitoring the forum these days.

Hi FF36,

It's really good of you to share that. We so often hear that this is the case, but it's obviously a very difficult first step to take for a lot of people.

Hopefully your post will encourage some other people to open up to their family and secure themselves some extra support at the same time.

Hi FF36,

A really good follow up post for people to read regarding how you were feeling at the start and now at the end. I'm sure this will help other people who may be financially struggling to reach out for help and advice. On the forum they will receive plenty of that.

It's good to hear that you opened up to your mum and she was really supportive. That often tends to be the case but from your perspective it's a very hard thing for you to do.

Onwards and upwards with the support of your mum now that you have been discharged!