Welcome to the forum Messedup.

It sounds like you've had a really tough time and that you've done everything you reasonably can to put things right.

There will be a solution - there always is. It's just working out what would be best for you and your daughter.

Could you share a little more background please? Do you own your home? How much are your monthly debt payments? How much do you think you could afford to pay towards your debts each month after covering your bills and all of your other essential family expenditure?

thanks for responding so promptly. I rent privately and have lived at the same address for nearly four years but as is often the case, my rent increases annually whilst my salary remains the same! Realistically, I think I could pay £150-£200 per month, at the moment I'm paying around £550 up until around may I was paying £400 per month and then just respending what j paid in so I was heading for trouble before my grandads death. I kind of lost control after his death and was just desperate to be able to give my child things she'd wanted for some time. In hindsight I shouldn't have been so naive, as I say I've returned as much as possible that still had packaging but I'm not going to be able to get myself out of this debt anymore, feel like such an idiot.

Thanks for sharing that extra information Messedup. I can see now how your month to month finances must feel very squeezed.

Do you own any other assets? For example, if you own a car could you provide a very approximate valuation? Car ownership isn't generally an issue, but might sometimes be an influencing factor.

In terms of your debts, is there any particular bank or credit card provider that is owed quite a large part of the overall total? Some lenders use slightly different criteria when determining whether they'll accept any particular debt solution proposal.

I don't drive and use public transport to get to work. I have absolutely no assets other than a potential PPI claim with RBS.
Yes, majority of my debt is with barclaycard who kept offering me 0% and raising my credit limit until early this year. I owe them £23k through 3 cards which Started around 2011. I know it's a completely ridiculous amount.

Hi Messedup and welcome to the forum.

Try to remain positive and not beat yourself up too much about things. There are a number of solutions available to help you deal with your debts.

Based on the level of your debt and affordability you could consider 3 options. I would say two are probably more suitable.

Your first option is a Debt Arrangement Scheme. This is whereby you pay back your full debt and the timescale is determined by your monthly payment. If for example you can pay £150 per month then it would take 16.6 years. Ideally this plan shouldn't last longer than 10 years.

Second and third options are a Trust Deed or Sequestration. Both plans you would pay what you can reasonably afford for a period of 4 years. A Trust Deed requires a minimum payment per month for the creations to accept and a payment in the region of £150 to £200 should be acceptable. If you felt that you would struggle with a payment in that region then Sequestration could be a more suitable option.

The best thing to do is speak with a qualified Expert about your circumstances in detail. They should explore all of your options, the pros and cons and also complete a very thorough income and expenditure to see what you can afford. Kevin or I the two Experts on the forum would be happy to help you with this.

As I said and I say this to everyone try to stay positive. You have a number of solutions available and you will receive plenty of advice, support and help on the forum.

Hi Messedup.

Please don't feel too bad about this. My sense is that the peripheral issues associated with debt often hit parents especially hard - we've heard it here often and it's totally understandable.

You'll fix this. It's obvious due to the responsibility you've already taken and your prompt and sincere effort to search out information and advice.

It would be lovely if some of our forum veterans shared their own experience with you, and a little support...

Thank you for this advice, it's a relief to know that there are options but I feel like a terrible role model for my child and wish I could go back and not buried my head in the sand for all this time and put our family life under such financial stress. I have a full day at work tomorrow but will look to contact one of the advisors ASAP. I really appreciate the advice and support.

I'm not sure if it is much consolation, Messedup, but it is very common for people to find themselves in the situation that you are in. I actually think it takes a lot of guts to face up to it and tackle it, which you are doing now, so don't be so hard on yourself!

From the information you have given, it certainly sounds like a Trust Deed might be a good option for you, though not necessarily your only choice. It is in agreement with your creditors, which I think does make a difference to many people in terms of how they feel about going into a solution like this and why many people prefer it to going bankrupt.

Hi Messedup,

I felt compelled to reply because I recognise my own story in your situation.

I'm almost two years into a Trust Deed and it has completely changed my relationship with money. Like you, I was paying a huge amount to credit cards each month then using them back up to their limits for food etc as I had nothing left after paying them. It wasn't until I sat down and worked out my outgoings that I realised why I'd been feeling so stressed all the time! Now I'm into the swing of budgeting and can account for every penny of my salary instead of wondering where it all went.

I feel some shame at being in a Trust Deed and it's not something I shout about, but I know that if I hadn't taken action when I did things would have been much worse. Having to give up portions of bonuses and pay increases is tough, but I know it's not forever. The Trust Deed gave me light at the end of the tunnel, and has taught me how to manage my money properly so I don't end up repeating my mistakes.

My only regret is that I didn't find this forum until after I'd set up my Trust Deed. If I had, I'd have gone with one of the recommended partners. TDA and David always offer great advice, and the other forum users are really friendly. It's nice to know I'm not alone and see stories of others who have come through the other end of it all.

Like TDA says, try not to be so hard on yourself. There is a solution, and you've taken the first (and biggest) step towards it. Good luck, and do let us know how you get on.