Im not in your situation but it sounds like your relationship is in a reasonable place at the moment, your living together and considering a joint mortgage. i would consider telling your partner as soon as you can, i would gather information about trust deed so he can read through everything and will understand what it actually is, explain that you started the trust deed prior to your relationship and that you feel its important to be honest in a relationship and feel that embaressment has prevented you from telling him sooner, however now seems the right time and you need his support. yes he maybe angry or upset to begin with but im sure its fair to give him the chance of being understanding and the chance to work through it than to just end the relationship without giving him the chance to be there for you. all this worry could be for nothing and you will feel much better once you have told him, and lets be honest if hes considering life long commitments like mortgage sharing with you then i should imagine he thinks that the relationship is long term and worth while. A little tip, cook a nice meal and open a bottle of wine a relaxed atmosphere is always better when wanting to discuss important subjects.

Look at the positives - you've addressed your debts with your trust deed so you're already on the right path. There's plenty of time to get your dream life underway. OK, you didn't tell him but that's not unreasonable and perfectly understandable.

I kept our debts from my wife until it all became too much. I told her and we got trust deeds. Now our marriage is stronger than it ever was. Why? Because it's "just money" and pretty low down the pecking order of really important things in life - family, health, friends etc.

Sure we have to tighten our belts for a while but that's hardly the end of the world. We have a nice house, 3 healthy kids, supportive family and great friends.

So tell him - I'm sure you'll be fine.

And let us know what happens!

Thanks Guys for the comments.

I spoke to him this afternoon and he is really keen to put the flat on the market in June. We are going away on Sunday for a week so I guess I will try and muster some courage to tell him when we get back. I suppose I always knew this day would come but you are right - I should give him a chance to try and understand. I suppose I doesn't help that I have not told ANYONE about the TD and keeping it "secret" for the past 4 years has been difficult and stressful.

Hi lenovo and welcome to the forum.

As a debt adviser I have spoken with a lot of people that haven't shared their debt worries with their partner or spouse. I'm sure Mark, Kevin and Julie have experienced the same thing. I can very much understand the huge worry associated with sharing this information.

However when some of these clients have gone on to share this news with their partner or spouse they have almost always received nothing but support. Of course there can be an initial period of surprise or shock, but afterwards most people really appreciate the openness.

If he truly loves you he'll understand and stand beside you.

Good luck

John

Hi, I really feel for you trying to keep everything secret. Perhaps you could break it to him (gently!) BEFORE you go away - if you don't you'll spend the whole time worrying about it. This way, it's over and done with and you can relax. He might be a bit nonplussed as to why you haven't said before but if you can just explain you were upset and embarrassed and didn't want to worry him. This is definitely not something to end a relationship over, you poor thing, please don't worry xx

I also thought that dealing with this before the holiday might be worth attempting because it means you can can enjoy it more when you're away.

I refrained from posting that because I wasn't sure I would have been able to do it myself! Everyone works through it in their own way.

Debt really isn't the end of the world as people who have had to deal with illness and worse fully appreciate. Unfortunately everyone will at some point in their life.